Hit on Him Already

Dear women: sometimes you need to make the first move. Come on, now, seriously, are you telling me you are a confident, intelligent feminist, yet you can’t even hit on a man? That’s just whack. What’s the worse that can happen? He rejects you? And then what? Men have such a sway over you that you’ll feel so shattered if one random guy rejects you?! Or what? It will hurt your femininity? Femininity is just a harmful patriarchal construct! Ha!

Besides, men could die sitting at their computers on their online personals site or in the bar or at that party just waiting for you to hit on them. Help a brother out.

Start here:

1. Mad Confident

Fake mad confidence. You might have the idea that hitting on a dude means desperation, but fuck that. It means courage and confidence and seizing what you want. Just go over there pretending like there’s no chance he’s going to say no. If he does refuse, just act like it’s his loss. You’ll seem sexy as hell and it will be very hard for him to say no. Confident women are sexy women.

2. Flirt

Um, yeah, obviously, but you might be so focused on the confidence thing that you forget this isn’t an online dating chat room and flirting isn’t assumed. Therefore, you have to create sexual tension without being overly aggressive. Give him a slightly charged look. Touch his hand briefly. Smile coyly. Do whatever type of flirting you do best.

3. Don’t Act in Secret Code

Be direct. Some men might not be able to believe they’re being hit on. After all, they are so used to having to do it themselves that they might have trouble believing the stars have finally aligned and the ass is actually coming to them. So, after a bit, just tell them what you want and let him tell you yes or no. It’s as simple as that.

4. Ignore the Losses

Once again, a no is just a no. It means nothing. It had no reflection on you as a person or as a woman or whatever. Just like women, men have a million reasons to say no. They aren’t all the sex robots everyone tries to make them out to be.