Fix Your Clinger Problem

August 3, 2011 - Michael Rodriguez - Reader Questions - 1 Comment

After years of having to get rid of clinger boyfriends, I’ve realized that I’ve become a clinger in the relationship I’m in. Is there any way to dig myself out of this hole I’m in?
Ready To Let Go

RTLG, becoming un-clung is a lot like rehab: The first step is admitting you have a problem! If you’re in a relationship where you find yourself being too clingy, it can be fixed, and the good news is that you’re still in the relationship, so you haven’t yet gotten to a point where he’s sick of your behavior.

In order to move on with your match, I’ve customized a 5 step program for you to get your claws out of his back so you can stop holding on for dear life.

Give Him Space.
If you’ve realized that you’re being too clingy, the easiest and most obvious solution is to simply give him space! If you usually hang out every night, call him up and suggest he go out with friends and you do the same. This simple gesture will put you back on the right path, and will remind him that you weren’t always a Stage 5. Chances are he’s going to enjoy the breathing space, so give yourself some quality ‘me’ time to remind him that you are a person even when he’s not around.
Figure Out Why You Turned Into A Clinger.
If your boyfriends in the past have been clingers and you didn’t like it, then how did you turn into one yourself? Was it insecurity that you thought he’d leave if you didn’t dedicate your full attention? Jealousy of other girls, and you wanted to let them know that he’s your man? Put time into realizing what the problem is, and why it started.
Address The Problem.
Once you know what the issue is, you can’t just ignore it. Call up your date and let him know why you’ve been acting like every mans nightmare. Take time to tell him what the root of the problem was, and why it started in the first place. Letting him know that you have a reason to act the way you have been will be the savior of your relationship. If he knows that you didn’t simply lose your mind, he’ll be a lot more comfortable with forgiving you for the sin.
Actually Fix The Problem.
Now that you know what the problem is, stop doing it! If you were being too clingy because you don’t like him hanging around with other women, then hang out with him and other girls so you can see there’s nothing to be worried or suspicious about.
Have Humor!
Once the problem’s resolved, don’t be afraid to address it. Look at that period with a light heart and crack a joke to let him know that you realize how silly you were really being.

If you take time to do all of this and realize that you’re still clinging on for dear life, you have to realize that all you’re doing is smothering the relationship. If you’re not giving it breathing room, you’re not going to last very long.