5 Sexual Oddities

I have the maturity level of a twelve year-old boy; I admit it. Sexual oddities make me giggle. Every once in a while I need to take a break from serious posting on online personals and other dating advice and round up some silly sex news:

1. in 1995, an optician in Belgian was arrested for forcing his female clients to strip down to their skeevies and dance to accordion music for him. Only then would he fix their contact lenses. My question is: were those women really so desperate to have their contact lenses fitted? Was he the only contact lens dude in town?

2. In 1993, a dude from Hereford, England (you pretty much know you are going to be screwed up if you’re from a town called Hereford), was caught fucking a) a pavement and b) a garbage bag. For the former, he was sentenced to eighteen months in prison. For the latter, he was put in three years probation. That’s some harsh sentencing for fucking a plastic bag.

3. Among the objects doctors have reported removing from people’s assholes: a grenade, a teacup, a pair of glasses, a frozen pig’s tail and a peanut butter jar. I just don’t even know how to begin to imagine how any of those objects got up there. Really.

4. Autopederast: a man who inserts his own cock in his own asshole. Not all men are capable.

5. In 1992, a man put on a bulletproof vest and then shot himself. Why? Because it turned him on. Of all the sexual fetishes, a desire to shoot yourself just might be the worst.