Romance, My Ass

There’s romance and then there’s crap. Ladies actually hate some ‘romantic’ shit that they’re really supposed to be into, and if there’s one thing worse than bad sex, it’s having to sit through a romantic gesture that makes you feel icky. Here’s a list of the top three romantic gestures she actually hates:

1. Roses

It’s your first date with that woman you met through the online personals last week. You really think she’s cool and are eager to impress. But how? With a a dozen long-stemmed red roses? WRONG! Are you kidding? Roses are so cliche that the smell of them now makes women faint from boredom. It’s been done, done and done. So impersonal. So dramatic. And so annoying. What’s she gonna do with twelve roses all night? Stick them in her goddamn purse?

What to do instead: Personalize your token gift. Does she love Classic Literature? Buy her a second hand copy of The Age of Innocence. Get the idea? Avoid stock gifts.

2. Buying her Sexy Lingerie

Let’s assume this is no longer just some online date, you’ve now progressed to full on boyfriend-girlfriend status. Will she not appreciate some stunning lingerie to keeps things spicy in the boudoir? No, no she won’t. Why don’t you dress up in some uncomfortable, exposing article of clothing and climb into bed yourself? How is making her don a costume a gift to HER? That’s a gift to you, dude.

What to do instead: Dress yourself up. Is she a super fan of House M.D.? Then dress up like Dr. House and give her a mild ass-spanking with your cane. So much better.

3. Public Make-Out

You might think this is some kind of romantic indication of the fact that you love her so much that you want to slobber all over her face in front of everybody, but she might not feel the same way. Save your tongue for her pussy, and the bedroom.

What to do instead: I already told you – save it for her clit, because oral pleasure is always romantic.